oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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