Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
How does one acquire holy water?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
