you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
