I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
