went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Hippo gnu deer
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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