You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
