I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
