I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Randomize
