New low: just hacked my moms facebook
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
