i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I look better un-naked...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
