I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
