your room smells of hookers.
And success
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
