You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
