I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
