She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
