That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize