Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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