This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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