I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
