So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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