i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize