Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
