Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
