dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
