he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
