I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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