dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
