I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
