I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize