What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
