If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
