weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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