Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
jump out the window naked night went bad
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
