i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
