I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
