WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
