im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
