Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
