rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
