I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
