i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
