she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
