I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
