I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
