ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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