i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
