You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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