Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
well most of my day revolves around power hour
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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