My hand turned me down
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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