This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize