this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
