Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Vodka?
Forever.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
