Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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