But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
