I wanna bring you to show and tell
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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