onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
