I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
