no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
His nipple licking is glorious
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