that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i just made my gag reflex go away.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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