I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I said "one day" and that day is not today
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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