she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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