So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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