i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
