Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
