Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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