Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
