now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
