remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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