i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
