Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You pole danced in your parka.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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