i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
