Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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