ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
