I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Randomize
